the telephone number I got for you says nobody's home...
the best thing I can think to do right now is leave it alone.
and you've had an apology in your mailbox since last July.
funny, when you find the words to say, you find no reply... 

I think you guys are great together, but I wish you'd break up just so I could speak to him again...

Fuck, I'm snippy. I have such an attitude problem. I will say something, then like 2 minutes later think, "man, I sounded like a huge bitch and I don't even know why". I wish I could catch myself before I say something stupid, instead of after. 

you don't give a shit about anything I like, want or need. I'm stressed and angry beyond belief, your only response? "You need to go back on your meds". Well, gee, thanks. You are the one always telling me to "learn to live life without them". So the fact you give little to no encouragement, that you say stupid things that make me mad on purpose, is pretty counterproductive. I know I have issues. I know I need something. But fuck if I know what that is. But one thing I do know: you telling me I need to go back on my meds and telling me "DAMN, chill the fuck out" every goddamn day IS NOT HELPING YOU FUCKING PRICK. As if I don't want to "chill the fuck out"; as if I don't want to be better. It's not like I like to feel this fucking crazy all the time. 

I just want to get hiiiiiiiighhhh out of my motherfucking mind. I want to smoke all of my stupid brain cells out. I want to get so high I forget who and where I am. I want to get high so I can finally "chill the fuck out".

Not that I would even know if getting high would do this for me. I'm merely going based on what I've seen and heard from others.

My want to get high is at least better and more doable than my alternative want: to cease to exist. Not die. Just to not be here, to never have existed, just for short period of time. Sigh. IDK maybe both are equally doable (or not doable, I should say).

i have to most selfish asshole of a husband, I swear to god.